Overwhelm

I'm completely exhausted. The day was long and I feel incredibly tired. My cup of tea is easing my headache and warming my tummy with its sweet goodness. The TV is on low but it seems to be shouting at me. It's 8pm and my bed is already calling me...

I came home today completely overwhelmed. Today I worked at a school I haven't taught at for over five years. And over lunchtime I was offered something I have been waiting a very long time for.  The problem is the timing couldn't be more wrong. I am not ready for it and neither is my family. I feel so overwhelmed by the enormity of organising three children plus myself and achieving what I want to achieve.

As a mother of three and a wife as well, I often feel pulled in many directions. 'There is only one of me' my children often hear me say. I tend to give my all to the things I do. I jump in and I commit. For the past seven years that main role has been motherhood. Everything else comes second, third, fourth...

There has to come a time where I can no longer just cruise along with my career. I need to make decisions about fitting in work with family life and The Husband and I need to decide how this should best happen. I've been so fortunate to have a supportive man by my side, working hard and providing for us for many years now, with very little help from me. As our children get older I think more and more of my future and my work. What do I want to be doing? What am I aiming at?
I am sure my feelings and thoughts are universal. Motherhood will always come first on my list of priorities, but perhaps I need to make a little room for other things as well. The question is when...and how...

2 comments:

  1. I reckon you are right.......when you are a mum, I think there is always a nagging question. For me, unpacking it further, is who am I? Asking that question helps because then you ponder further questions like, if I give myself permission and freedom to be me, what am I doing that maybe I only do because that is what's expected or to prove myself? I have to ask myself this constantly. Am I I doing this because I want to or because I feel I have to or because others expect it? I mean, of course we have to do some things like nurture our children and pay bills for example, it is expected and a social reality, but what do we do or think we have to do because of other reasons than we simply want to? Sorry, I prob sound like I'm totally trying to be some philosophical guru, haha. Just some thoughts that I think and struggle with. The older I get the more I think about I only have one life and I don't want to walk to the beat of anybody else's drum except my own(throw the Christian side in, and that breaks down to God's beat for my life really). Thanks for giving me the space to share too, it is nice to sometimes write(type) stuff down.

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    1. Sorry, I don't know how to use these things, it's Dea :-)

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